I am not completely healed and not all the way complete, but I feel that I've found a piece of what I was looking for. I came looking for answers that I thought I had long since answered, and came to find answers that I never knew I was looking for. I came back to my roots, the place where my cells first met the air in search of something that was missing, I thought it was closure, and still could be, but I also came to find passion. I never knew that life could be anything but what needed to be done, what we had to do to survive. I didn't know that along with life we must live without regret, we need to have wants and we need to want something so much it hurts, and I found it, in a place that I thought was for those that did not have the confidence to be themselves. Instead I learned that in order to be here in order to be someone else, you must first know who you are and where you stand. I found my passion and I found bits and pieces of myself that I had suppressed, through acting. Here I thought I could use acting to help find my mother, but I didn't realize that I needed to do it through myself. Acting helps bring out my memories because they help me be someone else, but I've realized they can help me find myself first. In the last few months that I've come to meet wonderful people and to learn about an industry that I never knew could mean so much. I have come a looooooooong way in the past few months and I plan on going until I can reach a moment when I can step aside and truly say that I feel complete. I know that for the next few months I'm going to have to learn to love someone who in real life, I don't like very much, but I've come this far and I can keep going. President Han told me that he expects great things from me, and that I have experience many don't and that is what makes me special, he also told me that I am the very first Trainee to have debuted so fast, and with such a big role. I am proud of myself and proud of who I can say I am becoming, and I have a feeling that I will probably continue complaining and whining in English about someone that can understand, I will probably always be talked down too by those who believe they are superior. But I will not give up, and I will learn and gain new experiences until I am satisfied. And maybe I will find my mother and see that she is doing well, and be able to walk away. Or maybe I won't see her at all, but she will see my name see that I am doing well and she will be proud, and be content. Perhaps I wasn't ever meant to find her, perhaps I was only meant to come here to discover my passion, whatever it may be, I have Cynthia (whom I beat out for the role of Li Hua, but she plays my best friend's sister), David, who is currently touring in the U.S and Amelia, supporting me while attempting to make it in an industry where her mother casts the largest shadow. I hope to make these people stronger as they make me. Wish me Luck ;)
Love,
~ Faye
(This is the last Post for my Creative Writing Project, I may continue it someday, with what continues to happen to Faye as she works through the entertainment world. But for now, Thank you for reading! ^-^)
~Amira Escott
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